“For many guys, how the date ends is the biggest thing on their minds throughout the entire date,” says Manhattan-based love-life coach Nancy Slotnick ’89, who describes herself as somewhere between a matchmaker and therapist. Women tended to add financial stability men more often noted physical attractiveness and potential for sexual activity. On dates, both men and women sought a “pleasing personality” and common interests and values. Overall, men were slightly more likely to date than women, but women in their forties went out more often than their older counterparts. Though 63 percent of respondents were either in exclusive dating relationships or dated regularly, the balance of midlife singles were either “interested daters” (not dating, but would like to find a date), “daters-in-waiting” (not actively looking, but would date if the “right person came along”), and “disinterested” non-daters. The AARP report also revealed what seems a more general ambivalence about dating. “It’s about putting up with people’s imperfections, their struggles-sometimes illnesses-and knowing who they are and helping them have a good life with you. “But mature love is really about caring for someone else’s well-being,” she counsels. Sharing experiences on a daily basis is very important to me.”Īn AARP report published in 2003, Lifestyles, Dating, and Romance: A Study of Midlife Singles, found that what respondents liked most about being single was “personal freedom” the worst aspect was “not having someone around with whom to do things.” Older daters seem particularly torn between these two desires, and each side tends to be more “set in their ways,” says matchmaker Sandy Sternbach, owner of The Right Time Consultants, who specializes in clients who are 36 to 70. My objective is not to be alone the rest of my life. “It’s important to me to have somebody who shares some of my lifestyle, so I meet people through activities I like. “I’m very active: I go hiking out West, backpacking, and I’m a passionate skier,” he says. Geordie Hall ’64, for example, divorced after a 30-year marriage, now lives in rural Vermont and meets women through outdoor activities, volunteering, or community fundraisers. That is how the game is played after 45.” “But I see it as empowering-to take things into your own hands and be active. Right will land on the doorstep serendipitously,” or they grow outside their comfort zone-asking “coworkers, your Realtor, your stock broker, your neighbors, and other people you barely know to fix you up with people, going on speed dates and lunch dates…it can feel embarrassing,” Greenwald continues. “Either they decide they are happy with their life the way it is, and take the chance that Mr. ’93, a dating coach based in Denver and the author of Find a Husband after 35 (Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School ). “After age 45, single people face a fork in the road,” says Rachel Greenwald, Ed.M. For everyone older-and less energetic-facing the risk of rejection takes courage, creativity, and resilience: in short, more personal effort. For others, “putting yourself out there” requires gearing up emotionally and physically after a long hiatus-or being more open about who “the right” person might be.

For many, returning to that scene after divorce or the death of a spouse means adapting to new modes of social networking, such as Internet dating sites. That old adage ‘Do what you like to do and you’ll find someone you like’ doesn’t really work anymore.”įor those over 45, the world of dating is more complicated for a variety of reasons, ranging from the logistical to the emotional. I did see someone I liked while jogging in the woods, but I didn’t get his number. “I’ve done on-line dating, matchmakers-the gamut.

“But it’s oddly difficult to meet people,” she says. Since separating from her husband, one Boston-area alumna in her late forties has had numerous dates and even a long-term relationship.

Supreme courtship game